i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
