Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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