Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
