just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
