the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
