I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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