She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
