I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
