I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
