I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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