if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
