Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
