how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
His nipple licking is glorious
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