My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
