So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
