We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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