so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
