My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
