Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
