The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
only if we run a train.
done.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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