you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
