You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
