i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
