OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
