I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
