ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
