Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
