Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
