If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So. Much. Porn.
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