listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
