sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
