Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
