I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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