It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
