'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
