The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
