What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
