I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
