I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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