By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
