We named our party play list daddy issues
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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