Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
