a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
