coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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