dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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