took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
