He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
