I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
