I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
