How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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