Just fell off a train. Bad.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Randomize
