Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
