That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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