If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
